Day 9.

A day of unexpected bits of :)..?

I realize I've turned to this blog to do all my blogging..so sorry for the long posts!

I am really excited for the church's theme this year. It was nice change to hear a sermon from someone different today and funny! I've been having a hard time following Sunday sermons - maybe for a monthish? And I've been having a hard time with prayer and I guess I've been avoiding having to admit it, but I've gotten uncomfortable and kind of nervous when praying with others again. When praying with others was foreign I was so self conscious of praying with others and I'm back at that stage. But I remember last spring and summer when praying with others was something I anticipated, loved, and it made me really happy.

So today at lunch, I got to talk to a Zion lady and I really really enjoyed our conversation. She had just come back from KCCC's Vision Conference and there was so much joy and enthusiasm in her. I love one-on-ones! even though I guess it technically wasn't haha. She was so excited to share what she had learned and she had such a heart for change. I remember feeling the same way after Urbana, but I was still scared to share my experience. No pressure, but I can see her being a potential leader for Zion! No pressure! She talked about her struggles and I shared mine about prayer. That got us talking about Zion and her experience with KCCC and what she'd like to see in Zion. She's been wanting to talk to someone, to offer a suggestion. We talked about having a prayer night and she even offered to help :) We also talked about women's group. She sparked that fire for prayer in me again. No more fear! Well it'll take time, but no more fear!

Back to home church. I was feeling so good after the conversation, but something - the devil - always for the most part drains any excitement when I get to my home church. Our projector was declared broken today so we had to sing a song that most people would know which was something more traditional and I'm more for contemporary so I was egh. I kept thinking if we were more structured or organized, worship would be/could be something all the kids would look forward to and take seriously each week. So after service I'm cleaning up and one of staff approaches me. Now we're pretty good friends, but usually right before or right after service I get annoyed cause I feel he doesn't take service seriously. But no matter how much of a jerk I am he still has my back and tries to include me in what's happening. Anyway he had to go home to pick something up for one of the moms and he asked me if I wanted to come and offered to give me a short driving lesson by his neighborhood since it's fairly empty. I kind of didn't want to go cause I wanted to help my mom and I was annoyed with him at the time he asked me. Our conversations have been pretty superficial and I didn't feel like faking another one, but something pushed me to go so I went. So he heard I had volunteered yesterday so he asked about it and I tried to be as honest as I could which pushed me out of what I'm comfortable with. Today's conversation was the deepest most honest conversation we've had, and I've known him 10+ years. We started talking about the current situation of the youth group. Staff, the kids, OCM/Redeemer, my brother. All the things I assumed of him was wrong, well some things were true but his intentions were better than I had given him credit for. I understand more about the problems of my home church - boy, does it go deeper. This could be the beginning of a deeper friendship!

These conversations today were really a blessing. I was able to love by caring, by listening, by being honest. And I was able to be loved in the same way.

HAHA.