Day 6.

Today my small group had a hangout - the 2nd of the year and 1st with the away students. It was a good time by some, not so much by others. It's hard. With the fall semester, I've been letting the small group down - I feel like the state of the sg is back to how last year's sg was. Just getting through another day, another meeting, another Friday - just going through the motions. There's SO much that goes in a small group and it is/can be the heart of the fellowship. There's so much potential and hope for the individuals and group as a whole! I've been a part of a thriving and flourishing small group and I want to be able to do the same, to care for the members in my sg, to have them experience the joy that results from an awesome sg. This process has been pulling at me in different directions cause..I got issues haha. I got big hopes and dreams for this upcoming year! I just worry that I'm gonna fall through again. I don't want people to fall through the cracks because of my lack of ______.

So as we were going home, there were a few Brooklyn people heading back together. Surprisingly the trains were pretty packed, so the group split up and went through two different doors. We ended up staying separated. I got to talk to a member I'm not particularly close with, and I was able to get to know him more. He expressed some doubts and I guess apathy? It's the same story I've heard before, and its :(. Like really. I don't fully know the history of the fellowship and the members. And I don't fully understand the distance/unwelcomingness they feel because I was really blessed with a fairly easy transition into Zion. People were great, nice and welcoming. But not everyone has the same experience. Even if they've been going to OCM all their lives. So I was trying to convince this friend, but he was just..apathetic? He was used to it as he explained. It's just a "temporary phase." It'll be over soon. I feel like he was giving up. I was honestly a little frustrated in the beginning because I felt like people sometimes think leadership doesn't know or doesn't care, but that's not the case! I calmed down a bit and was able to think and realized that I shouldn't be forcing my thoughts on him, but I should just listen cause I don't know the entire story. So I did. He was calm. I was calm. I was able to understand the situation better and he was really nice about it. I hope I was too! I've come to really love these kinds of conversations. One-on-one or just a couple people discussing matters that matter to us. I look forward to the school year so that he can see that I care.

My hope is to bridge that gap between city and away students. Between even the city students. To make people feel more welcome. To give them a sense of ownership of their fellowship. Give them a reason to come to Fridays and have an excitement for it. To not have to worry or "be used to" being judged or an outsider. It's gonna happen!

HAHA.