Day 2. This is gonna be tough.

I am picky. I realize how proud and stubborn I am. Knowing that I committed to doing this is in the back of my head, but I still forget sometimes. But even when I am aware, I just think to myself "Wait, who the heck is she. She doesn't deserve to be treated with love." or "I remember what he did/said last time. Forget him." And who am I to criticize and judge these people? How lame and stupid of me.

I guess I need to take it slow. I thought I'd be able to jump into it figuring I'll bump into plenty of strangers or friends in need. Forgot about the people that push my buttons, annoy me, and stretch my patience - and these are the people I deal with on a regular basis. I tend to just avoid the person I have a hard time being around or I just ignore the person. I need help. I don't want to intentionally NOT love someone..This year will be interesting!

I helped my mom prepare lunch today at church. I've learned the joy of serving & hospitality mainly through her. This year I want to strengthen (current) relationships. I have a pretty superficial relationship with my family - we don't talk deep. It's awkward. We avoid it. My mom asked me what my goals for the new year was. I said nothing - I thought about this, but couldn't get myself to tell her. And I don't have the best relationship with my dad - we say hey and usually we're civilized, but every once in a while when I get annoyed I just grunt at him or don't even acknowledge him. I've been at that phase for the past 2 weeks or so, but today was better. I was able to talk to him and stay in the same room as him. I finally ordered 1040 so I can watch it with my parents and plan/hope to talk to them more deeply about my plans for the year then. Here's to deeper relationships!

Tomorrow's another day.

HAHA.