Day 90.

Saw Viola on my way home and it was freaking cold. It was drizzling and the wind wasn't being friendly either. I asked if she had lunch and she did with a friend, but it was pretty dag cold so I offered to get her a hot drink and she was down for that so I got her some hot chocolate. On the train, a man who was living in a shelter (with his child and fiance) walked into the cart I was in. He shared that he didn't have a job at the moment cause he was mentally unable to? Something like that, but he did write poetry so he shared one of his poems and asked for some help afterward so I gave him a buck. Before my mom started getting dinner ready, she asked me what I wanted to/could eat. She needed onions so she asked me to get some so off I went.

HAHA.

Love through a small group!

After studying 1 John 3:11-16, I challenged my small group to go out and do an act of love/kindness. Here are some of their stories (with name changes)! Sorry it might sound awkward cause I'm just filling in the I's with fake names.

• Yesterday (March 24th) during the crazy rain, Pablo was making his way to class with his gigantic umbrella. And as he was almost at the door, he closed his umbrella within like a step of the doorway so that he could optimally take the next few steps to be in the rain for the least amount of time cause ya know, it's hard to like close your umbrella and open the door and hold the door while closing your umbrella and all that. So he had it all planned out and it worked perfectly but right when he was opening the door he realize someone was coming right behind him and instead of holding the door for them, he just quickly went inside so that he could avoid the rain. It probably wasn't a big deal for that guy but right after he stepped in, Pablo thought about how he was supposed to be EXTRA loving this week and he had totally failed at that. So from that moment on, throughout the rest of the day he made sure he held the door for as many people as he could and there was one that he held for quite a bit and several people walked through with smiles and "Thank you"s. So it was sweet!
• Yesterday as in Thursday (March 24th), Haley folded clothes and washed some dishes so that her mom would have less things to do when she's home. Haley's dad hasn't been home for over a week now because of business. Since he came home, Haley made him some lunch. She's never that nice to her dad. :X. haha. However, she did.
• So Pablo was just sitting at home reading the love blog that some of the girls do, and then his dad rand the doorbell. Normally Pablo's sister would go down to open the door for him and grab his bag and what not, but this time Pablo was much closer to the door than his sister was but he still didn't move hahaha. He just sat there reading the blog and then he stared at his sister, cause there was also a big bag of trash to take out. And then he realized how ironic it was to be sitting there reading the love blog and staring at his sister do all this stuff that he probably should've been doing instead. So he got up and did it! haha took out the trash and all.

"Just letting you ladies know that your blog made an impact haha." Pablo

Day 88.

I've been kind of all over the place with confusion the past couple days. Oh fun.. I've been trying to keep it to myself. I didn't want to admit cause I feel like once I say it, it makes it real-er. But I couldn't take it anymore and asked my nonbrother brother for help. I texted him first to see if he was busy - good thing he wasn't! So I asked him if we could talk on the phone cause it would just be faster and he called me almost immediately. This was my first phone conversation that lasted more than 5 minutes in..over a year? Yeah, I'm not a phone talker. We talked for the past 2 hours and it was just GOOD catching up/bonding time. We talked about my confusion then he shared his and we just gave each other advice. And it was so easy to be real with him. He's really like a brother to me..a bit more than my own brother only cause I actually talk to him about personal things. There are times when he gets on my nerves and I'm sure the same goes for me, and there are times when I flip out on him, but he's a patient and good hearted kid. One of the bests in my life. I'm really thankful for him and for putting up with me for as long as he has :) Love you brobro!

Oh also have to mention another good friend. Sorry, bad memory! This is the good friend I mentioned before. Now that he's back from NYCUP we've been talking via email. I shared with him how confused/worried/scared I am about not knowing what the heck to do after graduation. WHAT DO I DO?! I don't know what I want to do, but whatever I do do (haha doodoo..) I want to make sure that it's what God wants me to do. Anyway in the past two days or so he's given me advice, reassuring me, encouraging me, and praying for me. He's been a real comfort and he knows his stuff! THANKS FRIEND!

--

Oh and just something cool that happened today. I went to Hunter to meet up with a friend and fellow blogger :) and we decided to meet on that bridge on the 3rd floor. While I was waiting these two Korean ladies approached me. They asked if I was Korean and then asked if they could share a little booklet on the Four Spiritual Laws. I only knew of the booklet cause I've seen KCCC folk have it so I asked them if they were with KCCC and they were. By then my friend found me, but I was already talking to the two ladies. So they asked us if we go to church and we said yes. They asked if they can have some time and share the Four Spiritual Laws. Since there were two ladies, one went with my friend and one went with me. I've been for a while wanting to connect with my Korean roots, but didn't know how. I think this was God's answer. So the lady I was talking with, Charlotte, shared how she's with KCCC from Korea and she's here on a missions trip. I think it's called a stinter or something? So she takes English classes in the morning and then comes to Hunter to evangelize. Cool! That takes guts. She asked me what I was studying and when I told her she was so happy/surprised. She was also a visual arts major and she has yet to meet another art major (in Hunter/her time in New York at least) AWESOME! THEN, she went into talking about where God has been leading her to use art so she's in (or was..my Korean comprehension isn't the best and she was talking fast with big words) a grad school program for art therapy. CRAZY! I'm a visual arts and psych double and people always said art therapy since it's pretty much the only connection between the two. I'm not thinking about doing that, but it was just cool. It just reassured me that art can work towards a bigger/greater cause. At the end, we exchanged contact info to meet up some time in the future. To talk more, to learn Korean/English from each other, or something else..but I just wanted to share cause I felt this meeting was awesomely planned by God :)

HAHA.

Home

Today marked the first day my parents went on vacation! I was so happy, not because they were gone, but also because they were on a well deserved vacation. This is the first time they've gone on vacation by themselves, leaving sharon and I on our own. That's when you know you're really getting old, right? :(

I've decided to go home basically this entire week and today felt so nostalgic, walking home the way I had come home from school all four years of high school. Being the older sibling made me feel like I needed to have more responsibility too. So today, I did the made dinner for the sister, washed dishes, made her tea and did basically what my momma does (I think). I realize I have this really big thing for responsibility, and I guess my parent being away on vacation has somewhat fueled that aspect of me.

Hopefully this week I'll be able to be the loving older sister to my sister

AND I finished my essay! I worked really hard on this one, hope it goes well!

Day 87.

Haha you know what I googled to get this image? "White kimchi" Hahahaha not eating spicy food is hard. There's like nothing to eat at home! Kimchi is a staple! We eat it with everything man. My mom's getting old.. she kept offering kimchi to me and after about the 5th time of me reminding her that I can't eat spicy food, she made me the non-spicy kind :) She rarely makes kimchi now, so for her to make this was really thoughtful and made me aw. I hope I'm a good mom like her when I grow up. After dinner, I offered to do the dishes and this time she let me do everything haha.

HAHA.

Day 86.

At my family church, the girls throw a tambourine performance every holiday celebration. So right now we're getting ready for Easter. Recently..sort of..my mom asked why one of the younger newer girls hasn't been added onto the group. I had asked her if she wanted to do join us last Christmas and she was down for it. But the next week she wasn't cause she gets stage fright. I told her I understand the feeling and I wasn't going to force her to do it, but at the same time I didn't want her to feel left out. So I asked her again last week if she wanted to join us for Easter and she said she'd do it. She isn't the easiest to be around/teach so I mentally prepared myself for the task ahead. Today was the first lesson and it wasn't so bad. I taught her a few routines on the side one on one. I've been ehh and settling with not having a relationship with some of the kids at church, but what good is that? God, I'm gonna need you.

HAHA.

Day 85.

As a part of the Justice Council at work, we organized a service day with Meals on Wheels. I used to find joy in volunteering at school in high school, but that stopped in college. I think this was my first time volunteering with folk from college and it was an interesting experience. In the past I would find something else to do instead. It never dawned on me that the God of justice I believed in would want me to serve with both faith based organizations AND secular organizations..or I just didn't want to think about it because I was more comfortable serving with people of faith. I'm not sure if it's how Meals on Wheels is run or it's because of the center we worked with, but the meals we delivered were to homebound elderly folk. Due to miscommunication and laziness on my part, only a few people attended. With some schoolmates I've seen around, but never really talked to, we packed hot and cold meals for the elderly. We then tagged along with one of the center's workers and delivered the meals. It was basically knocking on the clients' doors, "hi, how are you?", giving them their meals, "thank you - your welcome. have a great day/weekend!" While talking to the bossman we tagged along with, he mentioned that one of the women we visited, Maria, was an emergency patient. That meant that no matter how bad the weather was, he HAD to deliver a meal to her everyday or else she wouldn't have anything to eat and she's severely ill. Maria was one of the nicest and hospitable clients we met today and she didn't even look sick to us. It made me think about how helpless she is without Meals on Wheels which was the week's theme for the World Vision Lent Movement -- helplessness. I thought of my gramma and how she would never be left alone because she has my family and if not us, her elder son, or 2nd son, or her daughter. With her illness, she is unable to leave her apartment to get food. God believing or not, we can all be that difference, that bit of hope, that person that keeps the helpless going on a day after day.

HAHA.

Day 84.

I was eating dinner at home when my brother says "Yo, give Roxie a shower." Normally I would tell him "what the heck..you can't wait till I'm done eating?" but I thought before I spoke..well I didn't speak haha. He probably figured that meant a no, but after I finished eating I took her and gave her a quick shower. There was also some dishes in the sink so I figured I'd do that quick too.

HOPE!

HAHA.

Day 83.

Today I was expecting to see Viola on my way home. I usually see her when I'm going to Columbus Circle and it's before 6. I haven't seen her in about 2 1/2 weeks so it's been a while. She was there and we talked a bit. She caught me up on what happened with her - her doctor's appt went pretty well except something about her blood level being high. I offered her something to eat, but she refused. She said she's trying to watch her weight cause of the doctor. While I was talking to her it seemed like her lips were a bit bluish, probably from the cold. After a while she asked for some hot chocolate and Starbucks is right there so I got her some hoping that at least would warm her up. While it was good to talk to her, the bad part is because I was expecting to see her, on my way to her spot, I walked by two other individuals I'm pretty sure were homeless. I had that mindset of I can't help everyone. It's terrible. I remember when I was passing the second one, I kept telling myself to just stop but I didn't. Then I compromised sort of and told myself I would go back and find that person if I didn't see Viola..but honestly I don't know if I would've. I don't want to start walking by habitually. God, give me courage and obedience and compassion.

HAHA.

Day 82.

So once again, I needed help paying for my credit card bill and since I've been going to my mom for the past 3 months I felt bad asking her again..so I went to my brother. I forgot to ask him yesterday so I called him from work and he gave an okay without me having nudge him. THANKS BROBRO! So when I got home, he came to the bank with me and spotted me some money. Then after eating a big bowl of rice for dinner, I was still hungry and was craving some grilled cheese, but I suck at making grilled cheese. My brother makes it really good somehow. SO GOOD. So I asked him to make some for me and of course he said no straight off the bat, but I have my annoying sister ways and I told him I had to do homework so he paused the game he was watching and made me some. THANKS AGAIN!

HAHA.

Day 81.

So I was in the lab this morning trying to print out my assignments for tomorrow. The first page I printed came out all faded and I noticed the printer was blinking that light that means it's low on ink. The printers at school have like 5 different cartridges and I didn't want to screw it up so I went to Annibal. He's known in the Visual Arts dept as the go to guy..not sure what he does exactly..he's always running around updating software, fixing things, and helping out students and professors, but he does teach one class. Anyway I told him my assignment came out all faded so he stopped whatever he was doing and came to help me out. Most people just fix the problem and call it a day, but he took the time to explain to me what was going on. It hadn't printed all faded cause of low ink, but something being clotted so he showed me what to do so that I'll know what to do if it happened again. Most people who spend their time at the beck and call of others aren't so friendly, but watching him - in a not creepy way - the past 2 years makes me hope for the same thing one day. To naturally spread love because I enjoy what I do.

HAHA.

I have never felt so old in my life before..

So many people that were super nice to me the past couple days that I felt I had to blog about it..

So Monday morning/afternoon, I was having lunch with one of my fellow bloggers, Stella. She came over from the office just to have lunch with me which was nice :). So while I was going back from the kitchen to sit at the dining table, I realized I had to sneeze. So I sneezed and all of a sudden, I felt an enormous amount of pain in my lower back. I was unsure what was happening because this has never happened before! So the first person that was nice to me was:

Stella: She offered me a chair and told me to go to the doctors and take off work. She's my boss haha :) so I was really thankful that I was able to take the day off..

so I went to see a physical therapist and he told me I might have cracked or moved a ligament in my back..so right now my right side by my hip is kinda swollen and because my right side is the one that's hurting, I've been leaning towards my left so I look a bit lop-sided =/. I sort of wear a small back support..not sure if it's really helping..hahaha...but yeah, I could not go to school today because I'm not supposed to sit for more than 20 minutes and I'm supposed to lay down constantly. So my back is pretty much sore all the time and it's hard to get up from my bed (though I've figured out a way of getting up without anyone's help though it still hurts ahhaha).

So the next person that was super nice to me was my momma: She took me physical therapy and took care of me and everything. She's so nice!

The next person was my brother: Thoughhhh, the first thing he did was laugh his butt off at me for hurting my back from sneezing, (which made me laugh and hurt my back even more!!!) he was super nice to me and whenever I'd call him to come to my room to help me up out of bed he would. Then he'd laugh at me but I think that lightened up my mood a lot. Then we ate together and though he microwaved all the food, he still cleaned up and wash the dishes. So nice!

Then Cin: she called me during her break just to check up on me and see how I was doing :).

Then the boyfriend who offered to come over after class and kept asking me how I was and if I needed help with anything. AND he brought me an AM because he knows how much I love doing the AM crosswords :)

oh and Phirrip came too because he was with the boyfriend and it was good to just have some company because I haven't been out at all..

I am so grateful to God for blessing me with so many wonderful people around me. I do not deserve this, not at all. But He still blesses me regardless of all my shortcomings. So I have to be positive about this and remember to thank Him for all that He has given me. So thank you, God. =)

-frostedflakesaremyfavorite

Day 80.

So while making breakfast this morning, my gramma walks in with a package of ramen. She said something like "I want to eat this." so I took it as a "cook it for me." Initially I gave her a HECK NO look, but after a while I told myself to breathe and be nice. I still have a really hard time loving my gramma. When I made it and brought it to her, she kind of yelled "why are you bringing me this? I was gonna eat it for lunch." CRAP! First I got mad at her for yelling at me then it sank in that it wasn't her fault. I had misunderstood.

I've been trying to help around the house more. I finished dinner first so I put the dishes in the sink and went to go to my thing. When I heard my mom in the kitchen cleaning up and putting the food away, I told her I would do the dishes. I like to do all the dishes at once cause I have a system so I don't like it when people give me dirty dishes while I'm cleaning. So I went back to my room to wait for my mom to finish and went back after a few minutes. I saw that she was doing the dishes so I told her I would do it. Instead she just said, I'll clean and you dry. I don't know why, but that made me mad. I offer my help and you tell me to do something else? I guess it hurt my pride? I don't know what it is..I need help.

HAHA.

Day 79.

I was texting a friend yesterday and he was saying he thought he was getting sick. When I asked him what his symptoms were he mentioned a sore throat so I told him I'd get him some cough drops today..turns out Halls Defense aren't cough drops. My bad! Now I know haha

This morning, I experienced an act of love from a sister that meant a lot to me. She's an away student and she had gone on a missions trip for spring break so I hadn't seen her in a long while and figured I wouldn't until the summer..or at least later in the semester. I get a text from her last night asking when I was leaving to go to church cause she was gonna come with. I told her I had to get to church early and would have to leave an hour earlier than normal. She said that's fine and so we met up early in the morning today. Sleep is muy important to me and to have her wake up an hour earlier to hang out a bit more made me smile inside. I haven't known her for long, but her spirit has been a huge encouragement to me. Her excitement, enthusiasm, and willing to serve anyone and anywhere pushes me to be a better person. She's silly, fun, and also drops plenty of knowledge. What what!

HAHA.

Day 77-78.

Oh my gaaaaaaa it took 2 hours to get home last night. I could've gone home, come back out, and gone back home in that time. We went to the field and usually I don't play cause the game lasts long, but a friend wanted to play and someone had to even out the other team. YAY FOR EXERCISE! 3 times this week! I feel very accomplished haha. Anyway the game took foreverrr and I only left early cause a friend took my place. THANKS! I felt bad cause 2 friends that I take the same train with were waiting for me and they were going home late cause of me. THANKS! So one of the friends has to take the bus after the already long train ride and at this time, busses are rarer than trains and since he lives pretty close to me I offered my bike to him so he wouldn't have to wait for the bus in the cooler weather.

I came home hungry and asked my mom what there was to eat. She kept offering to make me dishes with meat and I kept telling her I couldn't eat meat as patiently as I could. Then she would offer something else cause she still thinks fish isn't meat so I had to tell her again, but at that point I was frustrated. Then she offered something spicy and I told her I couldn't eat that either and at that point I was pretty cranky so I just told her to forget it. I started to just snack on stuff and she was nice and loving enough to offer to make me fried nonspicy veggie rice. THANKS MOM (for taking care of me when I don't even want to be taken care of)! I love me some ice cream and my brother knows it, but he also knows I'm too cheap to by me some unless I'm really really craving it. He went to play tennis with some of the church kids and my cousin and I guess they were went to get sushi after so he texts me and asks me if I want anything to eat. I had eaten and was napping so I was okay without, but then he calls me a bit later when he was closer to home and said he was getting ice cream with my cousin. He called to ask if I wanted and listed the options and I chose half baked! Then fell back asleep for another hour or so. THANKS!

HAHA.

So usually when I use the bathroom at school, it takes forever to get the toilet paper because I always have to keep turning the roll just to find where the end of the toilet paper is. I thought about how annoying trying to find the end of the toilet paper was and if anyone else felt that way whenever they used a public bathroom. So I decided to make sure that the end of the toilet paper would be sticking out of the toilet roll thing when I left the stall so that the next person that used it wouldn't have to search for it.

Nothing big. But it's pretty much the nicest thing that I've done recently =/.

-frostedflakesaremyfavorite.

Day 76.

Tonight my parents had to go to a meeting in Flushing so they were gonna be home past dinner time. Normally that meant my brother would order in some take out for us, but he had to go to work to pick up his last batch up tips and hand in everything cause he's finally done with that place! My gramma just wanted leftover spaghetti from lunch so I heated that up for her. I looked around the house for food my cousin and I could eat. Found a box of yellow Spanish rice, mozzarella sticks, and fish cakes and put that together for dinner for us. (Thank you Costco!) Not only did I make dinner, but also did the dishes! WOW, I know haha. I want to do more for my family at home. I hope I'm able to do that when break is over.

HAHA.

Day 75.

I pretty much spent the day with my best guy friend. My brobro. Ah, guys can be SO much easier to hang out with haha. So the main chunk of the day we spent walking from 68th st to 14th. One of my favorite ways of hanging out/catching up with friends is either through food or just walking around. One of the most meaningful things you can give someone is your time. We first went on a trek to look for something to eat..we were really picky or unaware cause we couldn't find something we both liked until 14th and it was only cause we were really hungry. Well it was mainly cause of me cause I don't have a lot of money and it's pretty hard to find a pretty affordable place to eat in the city. (And then something that was meatless and nonspicy haha). I haven't spent time with this kid one on one in SO long so it was good having each other's undivided attention. We talked about things we were struggling with and it was just some good down time with a good friend. That doesn't happen a lot. So often we let other things get in the way of some LEGIT one on one friend time. And some time together in person - not over the phone or online. And even when we are surrounded by people, we're still so attached to our technology. Undivided attention is so rare nowadays. We ended up going to Whole Foods and even though I had a bit of cash on me, he refused and paid for my lunch/dinner. THANKS!

HAHA.

Day 74.

A good friend I haven't talked to since Lent started texted me today to remind me that he was doing NYCUP over spring break and still needed help fundraising. I kept telling him I would, but kept forgetting so told him to follow up with me until I do. Ah, I'm so exciting for his upcoming week at NYCUP! It's going to be freaking amaaaazing! It's odd how we became friends. I don't really remember, but he's been a huge presence in my walk with God. He's kept me accountable and he's always checked up on me on a very regular basis. Which is really surprising since he's a fairly new friend and he doesn't go to school in the city, and not even my city friends do that. He's very honest and knows how to shut me up which makes me listen haha. We pretty much talked on a daily basis even it was a really short conversation, but that hasn't been going since Lent. I've been meaning to email him, but never got to it. His text today started an email chain!

HAHA.

Day 73.

Hung out with a really good friend of mine from high school today :) Haven't seen him in a year and man has he changed. In a good way. We didn't have any idea of what to do so we just walked around a bit. After a while we got a bit hungry and we were by a well known pizza place so we went there. Knowing that I didn't have a lot of money, he paid for my slice. Thanks man!

HAHA.

Day 71-72.

My mom's arm has been hurting again so she wanted to go to the spa to relax. I guess the heat helps out. There's some Korean sauna in Jersey that she goes to and she usually goes with some friends when they visit and if not, an aunt in Jersey. But apparently my aunt has been has a new job so she's busy on Saturdays so momma asked me if I wanted to go. I've gone there two times before and it's not somewhere I would go voluntarily cause showering is mandatory before going in any of the rooms and the bathroom is just one huge public shower room. Awkward..! And you gotta go there before and after you hit up all the sauna rooms. I really didn't want to go because of that, but my mom really didn't have anyone else and she wouldn't go unless her arms been hurting a lot. The in between is pretty relaxing. So we went and spent half the day together. When me and my mom hang out we don't talk much, but we've grown pretty comfortable with being in each other's company in silence haha. We talked about graduation though! I rather not go just cause it's 5 hours of boredom and I don't have a lot to remember at Fordham, but momma wants to go so I probably will.

While mom was making lunch today she noticed that we ran out of oil. She was going to "borrow" some of the other church's, but I offered to go pick some up from home. When I went home, Roxie heard me and started following me. I tried leaving, but she started whining and whimpering and once she starts she can go on for hours. I felt bad for Roxie cause we'd probably get home late and be too tired to walk her then and the whimpering would drive my gramma nuts so I walked her.

HAHA.

Day 70.

Thanks brothers for a really memorable Sisters Appreciation Night! It was my first and I was really surprised. Ah the joys of being slow..and not living at church haha. The dance moves! The videos! The food and for having a no meat option :) The games! Really, you guys were/are all very sweet. And an extra thanks for eating those wasabi rice balls! Love you guys too.

HAHA.

Day 69.

Mm so a friend had bought 2 tickets to tonight's Hillsong United concert, but because of work he didn't think he would make it so he offered the tickets to our small group. I pounced on the opportunity! Had trouble finding a second person for the other ticket and I was scared to go by myself. I found out that my cousin and her friend were going to the concert too so that cooled me down a bit. They pretty much left for Hammerstein after they got out of school so they held a good spot on line and I met them after I was done. I bought them some food and even though we didn't do all that much talking, it was just nice to sing our hearts out and jump and clap to God together. It was our first time going all out like that together and I got to witness the excitement she has for Jesus. Some shirts were on sale, but my cousin didn't have enough money so I bought her one.

On a bad note I have a confession to make. I got caught up with my time and while rushing to get food and get to Hammerstein, I saw a man who was homeless sitting outside in the rain and I just ran passed him. I questioned myself wondering if I should give him a granola bar I had but I brushed that off with "I don't have time" and if anything I figure I would buy something at the place I was getting food. Again, while in a rush trying to figure out what to buy I completely forgot about he man that was homeless. I realized as I was crossing the street and even when I realized I didn't go back to offer him a granola bar. Wow, way to go. Sorry.

HAHA.

Day 68.

I sent my friend who doesn't go to school in the city a letter since I won't be seeing her over spring break. I'm gonna miss her. Towards the end of the day I got really tired and I just wanted to say my good-byes and go home, but I saw some folk I haven't seen in a while so I stayed a bit to just see how they were doing.

Happy 1st day of 40days!

HAHA.

Day 67.

Momma had to go to PT straight after work so she asked me to make the rice for dinner. I haven't done it in a long long while. I need to do more for the family/in the house.

HAHA.

Day 66.

The picture made me laugh. On the way home I passed out on the train. It was one of those days so I set on alarm on my phone and knowing an alarm is going to go off any minute makes you wake up more easily. Anyway I woke up a stop early and I noticed a momma had walked in with her baby carriage. The train was pretty crowded by then so I offered her my seat. Given I only had one more stop to go, it doesn't mean a lot, but it is what it is.

HAHA.

Day 65.

Thanks buddy! Last week a friend got dessert from where he works and another friend and I joked around kind of making a mini deal about how we wanted some. So today he surprised us with zeppole, one for each of us. SO THANKS! It was yum in my tum. And thanks for being one of the few readers of this blog :)

HAHA.

not nice at all..

I can't seem to get this loving act down right. I think I do something nice but it turns out I am really not since I seem to be doing it the wrong way. I guess doing something nice while dreading it/not doing it nicely is actually not so nice at all. Sigh, something that I need to really figure out/work on.

Anyway, today, I was on the way home from walking a friend to Confucius plaza (my friend lent me her umbrella because she saw I didn't have one! Thanks friend! :D), I saw a lady trying to get her groceries under an awning because one of the bags had broken and it was POURING. I stopped when I was like 2 feet away from her for like 10 seconds, trying to decide whether or not I should help her. I finally decided to go up to her and asked her if she needed help (in English). And she looked at me with a really confused o.O? look. And so I asked her the same thing but in Mandarin and I think she kind of understood and answered in Canto saying "mmmmm saaaiiii" (that means no, right?) and she smiled and said "doh gie saii" and waved me away. I really would have carried her groceries to wherever she needed to go. But I guess she did not really need my help...

why is it so much easier to be nice to a stranger? =/

-frostedflakesaremyfavorite.

Day 64.

Went on a ski/snowboarding trip with family church today and honestly it was hard being loving. It was hard being patient and it was hard being kind. And I forgot to remind myself that I used to be a little kid who probably talked a lot and asked plenty of questions. I forgot to remind myself that some of my friends have taken care of me LOADS when I was younger and still even now. I forgot to remind myself that I am in no way better than anyone, that everyone is imperfect, and that no one except God has the right to judge anyone. But man that is really hard not to do. I don't know what to do. Did a pretty cruddy job. I'm sorry.

HAHA.

a friend was scared to be somewhere by herself because she was afraid of something.
so I simply sat there while she did what she had to do so that she didn't have to be alone in the place where she didn't want to be.

sorry I am so vague. cannot give much detail because part of the story would require me to explain something that someone does not want anyone to know about. therefore, I must write it this way.

here is a picture for you all to enjoy that kind of has to do with the story but I cannot share why it has to do with the story.

the end! :)

-frostedflakesaremyfavorite.

Day 63.

Didn't get dinner today so I stayed behind. A friend walked in, not sure from where, but everyone had already left by then to get dinner and he didn't feel like going without anyone so he just sat with me and we talked and caught up. After a while he figured he'd get something so I offered to go with him and keep him company and we got to talk more and catch up.

HAHA.

Day 62.

So circle! I was too tired last night so I was hustling in the morning making/packing breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I guess my cousin woke up late or something cause by then she would've already come up to make her breakfast, but she hadn't. When I did hear her come up, it was just to say bye. When I asked her if she ate anything, she said she hadn't and I had a few minutes to spare so I gave her my bagel and made another one for me.

HAHA.

Day 61.

Mornings are pretty hectic for my momma. She wakes up, gets ready, packs her lunch, packs my dad's lunch, blow dries her hair, makes and eats her breakfast, takes her medicine, checks her blood sugar, and deals with any random shennanigans from my gramma. So today I was in the kitchen trying to figure out what to eat. Found some cinnamon raisin bagels so as I was cutting it up my mom said she wanted one too. So I cut hers and put em in the toaster. I went back to just getting ready and so did she. When I came back to the kitchen my mom toasted it again cause we like our bagels crispy and she had brought up the cream cheese from downstairs. Woo for not having to go down to get it! So I spread the cream cheese, cut it and wrapped it up for both of us and we went on our way.

Brother just killed a roach for me. WHEW! Usually he kills and I clean up, but I was to freaked out so he did both. THANKS :)

HAHA.

A story

Since I couldn't observe/follow a class in the school my work there is almost ending. Tomorrow or Friday is probably my last day there.

As I took a day off to organize/input data today, I want to tell a story I heard yesterday:

A teacher wants to treat her three students who got highest grades. She took them to a park and then for lunch at a local restaurant. They were so happy because they've never been to the park before, neither anyone took them to a restaurant. The teachers was surprised to find that one student never had shrimp before...

Location:Ronghua Avenue (West),Shanghai,China

Day 60.

While my mom was preparing dinner yesterday, we realized we were running out of Sriracha. By the end of dinner yesterday, it would be gone. I. LOVE. SRIRACHA. I use it for almost anything. It's so good! Before I was about to start eating dinner today I went to the fridge to get the bottle and that's when I realized we used everything last night. I sighed a little, but even before I closed the fridge my mom went into the sauce pantry and pulled out a new bottle of Sriracha and said "Don't worry, I bought a new one." Ahhhhhhh! Oh mommy, you are the freaking best! Small things :)

I'm nowhere near as good to her as she is to me though. As I was bringing the dishes back after finishing dinner, my mom was already there washing dishes. Normally my brother and I just drop our dishes, say our thanks, give a kiss on the cheek, and head back to our room to do our own thing. Today I hesitated telling myself that I should be doing dishes - especially after she bought me Sriracha! But I just went back into the room to get the rest of the dishes. As I was about to head back to the room my mom asked me to help her put away some dishes and that's when I helped her. That's lame. I should be willing to help without being asked. Moms, thanks for being you and loving me.

HAHA.

Just something from Jaeson Ma's blog written by Dr. Myles Munroe

“True Love Defined”

What is love? Love is a decision to meet another person’s needs for life without expecting yours to be met. Why? You must decide to love without this condition because your needs might not be met. This concept is agape, unconditional love. The Bible says that Jesus laid His life down for you while you were yet a sinner (Rom 5:8). He had no guarantee that you were going to respond. For this reason, agape is the most beautiful love in the world.

If you have a reason for love, the reason has to be maintained in order for love to remain. That expectation is too much pressure. If God had said, “I love you because you are holy,” that pressure would be too great for us. God never does that. He simply says that He loves us. The closest we get to God having a motive for love is John 3:16, which states, “For God so loved the world, that he gave…” However, He does not tell us why. That keeps the pressure off of us. This is the beauty of agape. It has no reason or condition.

The Bible says that while you were yet a sinner, Christ died for you (Rom 5:8). This statement means that He showed His love for you while you were yet a sinner. This quality of love is awesome. That means that there is nothing that you can do to stop Him from loving you or to cause Him to begin loving you because He loved you when you were at your worst.

In Matthew 22:37-39, Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’”

According to Jesus Christ, you cannot love anyone beyond your love for yourself. You can only love me to the same degree that you love yourself. Therefore, it is more important for you to love you than to love me. When you love you, I am safe. Whatever you hate about you, you hate about everybody else because you cannot love beyond your love for yourself.

For instance, there are marriages that are suffering from self-hatred. When you love yourself, you have a clear self-concept that is worthy of love. That means you are madly in love with you, and you understand how you should be treated. You treat yourself to lunch and order the best. When you love yourself, you do not need someone to approve you to feel important. You understand your self-worth. That is the kind of person that you want to marry. If people do not love themselves, they will be a parasite in the relationship. Parasites in a relationship depend on the other person for value and affirmation. Why? They do not love themselves.

Agape is love without conditions. God commands us to love each other as He has loved us (Jn 15:12). Agape is the model love for all relationships.